Alle economische modellen verklaard

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters ofcredit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute adebt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive

Russian encounters part I

It has been 2 months now that I am staying in Russia and one of the most interesting things here is that you meet a lot of interesting peoples. I will tell you some of the most interesting encounters.

first to start, of course, with that part of the civilication that keeps the clothing industry working, women.

I was talking with a girl in Donetsk about Ukraine politics and she was telling me the following things I didn't know about Ukraine yet: the wife of Viktor Yuschenko was handpicked by the CIA, the wedding was arranged by 'the Americans' and in reality she is an American spy. Yulia Timochenko has besides prime minister also the oldest profession in the world (great multitasking talent I'd say). the people who are in charge now just want to 'sell' Ukraine to the "west" because of the 'rich natural resources' and the richdom of the country. this is exactly why I love talking politics here.

other girl in Russia bases her friendships on the stars. It seems that I am very lucky to talk to her because she told me that if it doesn't fit her sign then she can talk to you but she'll never be a real friend.

if you start drinking with some girls it is interesting to watch how the evening develops. you can see every single emotion in just one single evening. Intense hate (especially about boys), divine devotion, extreme happiness, low meannes, sadness till tears and some very fascinating ideas about relationships!

We where sitting outside the other day drinking a beer. suddenly an babushka comes to us asking if we have seen a boy. she joines us and she starts talking about this boy, which is 17 and the boyfriend of her granddaughter, that he is a lazy guy, good for nothing but more important that he is not blessed with a big third leg, hence not good for her granddaughter. now she is looking for the guy around the appartments because the mother would not give her his adress (very wise mother I'd say) because she will sent him to the army. this encounter ends with the babuska drinking our wodka.

now the boys. I have been in a car with 4 Armenians (because I had to fix my car at their garage and we were getting some money from the bank) and of cousre they ask if I like Russian girls. they were driving the car in reverse down the pedestrian zone to talk to some girl if they weren't interested in a foreigner? very strange that they didn't respond to 5 guys in a black car!

I have been offered protection for practually anyone, but especially if I meet Skinheads than I just have to call to a telephone number which I do not have and all my problems will be solved. protection is also arranged against football hooligans and regular annoying people in Volgograd.

then the strangest thing: DPS I have had 2 checks but everytime they were checking my documents and in all of a sudden they start to running, start their car and start chasing someone else! this must be because I have protection you know, they can sense that!

all of these encounters are just to ackward to make up and I am very looking forward to some new ones!

night out in Antwerp

It seems that I have an expanding group of followers now also from abroad (hello US and Switzerland) and therefore I will publish some articles also in English.

Every once in a while you are blessed that you are able to travel and that you are experiencing unique moments while travelling. That is exactly what happened when I was in Antwerp the other day.

Imagine a day somewhere end of may. Despite the fact that it is may the weather is cold, rainy, even stormy. I am walking around in Antwerp in this conditions and I find the streets empty. The few tourists that are still walking outside are desperate to find a “real” Belgium cafe near the main square (kind of hard to find a original place in the heart of the touristic center). Somewhere near the big Cathedral, tucked away in one of the corners I found myself a place to hide from the rain and a place to treat myself with a Belgium beer. The place itself wasn’t new, hip nor fancy but just with the good atmosphere. I’d say it had that fifties feel, even the waitress had a dress which was slightly old fashioned. From the menu I ordered a Delerium Noel and started feeling inspired. It was the time of the day that the working class from Antwerp finished their day and they came in for a beer. As the place was filling up some guys came into the cafe. I heard them speak English and asked if I could be of any assistance. After they ordered some beers we began to talk and in turned out that they were Americans on a beertour through the Netherlands, Belgium and Cech. One of them was holding a book in which a big collection of Belgium beers was included and they wanted to find as much beers which they haven’t drunk yet. In the book was also a specific Belgium beer hall which was serving a rare beer, as the only place in Belgium. The guys invited me and a I gladly took the invitation.

Westvleteren is a very rare beer which is still brewed by monks. The monks do not make any consisicion qualitywise and that makes it very nice to drink and extremely rare. There is only one weekend in the year where you can get to the brewery to buy Westvleteren. And even then you have to phone the brothers first to make a reservation. You are lucky to take some home with you, in small quantities. There are only two bars where they serve it, one is on the opposite of the monastery and one in Antwerp. The bottles do not even have a label attached, you can only see it is Westvleteren by the capsule.

After a small search through Antwerp we found the place. Inside it looked unorganized, slightly chaotic as Belgian beer halls can be, but with a cosy atmosphere. Classical music on the background and the crowd was a mix of businessmen after work, gothics, guys from the naberhood and us. We ordered four different kinds of Westvleteren which included a blonde beer and one from 2004. As we were sitting at a round table we quickly decided that the best way of tasting all the beers was giving it to your nabour. The Beer was delicate and smooth and you could taste that the older editions were more mature in taste, more in balance. After the Westvleteren round we ordered two more rounds, so in total we ordered around 18 kinds of beer from the beerbible available. Both draught and bottles, blondes, doubles, triples and draker ones. Beers with a percantage of sometimes 12%. It was great to taste all these different kind of beers, the one even better then the other. Then the time has come to eat something. The magic book also contained an adress where the chef was preparing the food with beer. That was just the right closure of this afternoon.

I expected the place to be busy so I proposed to make a reservation first. It was defenitly the weirdest reservation I made till now. “ goodevening, I would like to make a reservation for 6 persons. Do you think you place for us at around 6PM?” “well you see it is going to be very difficult. “”why may I ask, isn’t there place for 6 persons anymore?” “no it is not the 6 persons but I am afraid I do not have the right beers available and therefore I would rather not let you in!” “I am sorry?” “yes the proper beers are arriving only next week and there are many more places to eat” “but sir, these guys came all the way from the US and wanted to eat very much at your restaurant!””Well if you insist you can come, but I rather would not”.

Somewhere near the Schelde River we found the restaurant. I ringed the bell and the door was opened, but only a little bit. “yes?” the face said, but it sounded like a question. I couldn’t see his face entirely and the thought crossed my mind that we were at the wrong adress. But as soon as I answered him that we made a reservation for six persons the face opened the door and put a smile on. There he stood, the man who was about to prepare some magic. He could have been 40, he could have been 80. Ferocious is the first word that I could think of. A lot of white hair on his cheeks and a just out of bed coupe on his head. Reading glasses on the tip of his nose and a smile on his face which ended near his eyes. A belly as a chef suppose to have and a white suit.

You are a guest at his restaurant and he is supposing, no he is simply telling which food you are going to have. We were all sitting there waiting to see what was going to happened to us. Thoughts divided between if we made the good choice or that we just ran into something incredible. “I am going to prepare lam, rabbit and guinea fawl”he said, “ and I am going to give you a red and white wine with it. “ the only thing you could do was simply say yes and wait for the food. Then he went into the kitchen to prepare the food together with his wife, who was cripple.

We had time to look around into his interior. It was nothing special, it was cosy, you had to sit at wooden tables and chairs and on the wall were replicas of Flemish masters. Then came the food.

It was some of the best food experiences I have ever had. It was prepared so well, that you almost got goosebumps when you tried it. The lam was young and tender, with a delicious sause. The guinea fawl was prepared with cherries and beer and tasted very delicated. It was a very good match with the red wine served at our table. The rabbit tasted excellent and was also prepared beautiful. With the main courses came several side dishes like mashed patatoes with carrots (in Dutch called ‘hutspot’) mashed warm sweet apples (in Dutch ‘appelmoes’).

After we almost finished everything our host turned out to be one of the most entertaining chefs. He told us stories about his restaurant that leaders from the E.U wanted to eat at his restaurant and they made a reservartion three (!) years in advance. Some boards of big companies like Bayer are having their business meals there and yet, he insist in cooking at reasonable prices because he wants to have factory workers as well in his restaurant. Besides cooking he writes beautiful poetry, he tries to keep the cultural history of Antwerp alive. When there is a special Flemish master in the news, like Anton van Dijck he is preparing meals with the same colours as the paintings! It was so much fun to listen to his stories and his passion for what he does. Now I could understand more that he was (opzoeken voorzichtig) to let us in at first.

To finish the evening we were given a special (nothing was normal actually that evening) digestive, which had a story attached to it. Back in the days when the horses of the coachmen had stomach pain they were given anjaux d’hivers, but the coachmen themselves liked the alcoholic drink which tastes like lemon as well but found it slightly to sweet and therefore they added some jenever (Flemish of course, not Dutch). So that is why this drink is called a small coachmen in Dutch, or actually in Flemish a koetsierke.

It was a wonderful end to an extraordinary night out. Thank you guys for the experience and wonderfull time together!

I am not going to say where the bars where nor where the restaurant is located. One of the fun parts of travelling is to find this kind of places for yourself!